Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
