we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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