When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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