no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
