i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
