Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
