No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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