You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
