Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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