I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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