Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
