im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
