I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
