I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
