is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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