Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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