Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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