Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
