I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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