When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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