what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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