thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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