Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't deserve a penis
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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