I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
