It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
