I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
