Moan for me like Helen Keller
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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