i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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