so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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