"it" just moved
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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