I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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