First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
