Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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