their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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