What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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