The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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