dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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