I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
