Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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