Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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