I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ugly people sure do ruin things
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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