Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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