Who wears a wallet chain?!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
