dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Text me some of your sweat
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
