My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
