I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
