Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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