I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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