It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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