Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
