i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We are all done wearing pants today
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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