There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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