Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
