epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
