I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
