i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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