It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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