You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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