i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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