we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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