Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
